"The bridge where I would stand and decide which side I really wanna be at...."

-Rebecca Shakya (My Friend)

Everybody needs a connection to connect to

There has been time, the magnitude of time being “Most of the time”, when I have felt disconnected. Times when I feel like I am bound to find something, miracle, or something ordinary which may lead that urge of connection to fulfillment. And to my disappointment, nothing happens; I end up being Sad and Hopeless. Seriously, How do I tell?

Let me rephrase it for you with an example. Have you had this moment in childhood when your daddy promised you that he would bring something that You demanded wholeheartedly but when he comes back home from work he comes back with nothing? Do you Remember how disappointed you felt? Although you knew that your daddy would anyhow bring that thing to you by tomorrow or after few days, you could not stop feeling disappointed.

Well, I think I am living the Adult version of the same childhood. The only difference is “instead of looking up to my parents, I am looking up to this divine intervention.” Universe is my parents. By Universe I mean the following things:

1. Office Cubicle and Ugly Files
2. Lousy monotonous Paper works
3. Routine stuck between going to Office and Coming back from Office
4. Having No fun at all (Having few beers in the name of Fun)
5. Friends who are busy living their own life (I am not asking for their attention, I am just elaborating my Universe)
6. Wishes that I weave before going to Bed but do not have time or energy to execute (Like sometimes I wish to go on a bus trip, alone, to anywhere--- just get into the bus and let the bus take me to its last station---and during that journey I would love to sit there and look out of the window and “wonder and wander” into the realm of my life. And take a notebook with me and write down about How I feel. Write about everything. Like how I feel when the breeze of air hits my face, what song pops into my mind, which ex do I desperately want to go back to, my aim, my goals, my purpose of existence, and all the boring things. I would be alone answering myself.)

{I have this belief that a man or a woman is the problem that he/she seeks solution from. So if you want to find answers to your question, don’t google it or Waste that Question in a chat room or in a fb status or put it on a table while you are in your social circle, just look within. You are the answer and no matter how attractive or unattractive or disappointing or whining you are, you are the real answer.}

Let’s go back to where I was listing the Members of my Universe. I am getting out of track.

7. Calls I get from my Parents, that moment of realization when you do not feel like you are alone
8. Hopes and Blind faiths that my Parents have sweetly vested upon me but somehow without any of their intentions are turning into piercing Pressure, I can feel the pinch.
9. The world (which seems like it’s moving on) constantly mocking my inability to adapt.
10. The worst part of my Universe is, the difference between:
1. the Career I am pursuing and the dream I want to pursue
2. The confusion I am enduring and the conviction I am forced to endure
3. Difference Between being lost and claimed to be found
4. Difference between Having beloved around and The desperate call to be loved
5. Poems I write and Reality I live
6. Love I fall into and The Love the world believes in

(It’s hard when I am hovering in between these differences. I feel like Sandra Bullock in this Hollywood flick named “Gravity” where she was getting lost in Nothingness. Just Somersaulting like a hopeless space Hydra (if space hydra exists))

I should really title this article “10 Things I hate about U….NIVERSE”

I feel like a USB cable searching for a port to be connected to.

The sad thing is that the Universe is expanding and I am here sitting motionless like a lifeless asteroid waiting for some comet to hit me and set me into motion. That waiting needs eternity, and life expectancy in my country is 70 and I have already successfully wasted 22 eternities of my life.

I am A Peacock Flying Into the Rainbow: The Other Guys

My 22 years old life is full of Complaints. I am still young and time doesn’t seem to wait. I think I am a peacock who seems to ignore the word “Pea” in his name. “Change”, It has this uninterruptable relationship with time. I am crushed between their two sided affair. I waste most of the time thinking that I can change or I can adapt when I shall really be thinking is “I am a change and Time has to adapt with me.”

I, We, human beings have developed this nasty habit of blaming the “external force”. The poor helpless “time” falls prey to our nasty habits most of the time. We are so convinced, if not we try to convince ourselves that there is this external force looking upon us and it guides us, does it?

Aren’t we external?

We are totally different from what our soul craves for, everything except soul is “external”, when we are so busy searching the external force that we will never find, we do not realize that we are the true external. We are time, We are the force that guides us. The soul in us is the real human everything except soul, the flesh and bones and the brains and the lungs and even testicles and feminine Vagina, everything is God. Why not? It gives life to our soul. It gives conviction, the conviction of existence.

And sometimes I get so frustrated that I sign up into random dating sites thinking may be falling in love is the answer.

Sometimes I read books thinking may be Escaping is the answer.

Sometimes I listen to old tracks from the High School days thinking may be denial is the answer.

Sometimes I reminisce the thoughts I had for My crush thinking may be falling in Love is the answer.

Well, Life is not a phone call to be answered, neither it’s a problem to be solved. I admit, I may not have good perspective about life.

But if you were to compare life with phone calls and Algebraic problems.

Then I can surely answer what “Sad Life” is, “It is the calls that you missed, if life were to be phone calls.”

“It is the algebraic solution where you desperately try to match the Left hand with the Right hand side, but the beauty lies in realizing the Magic of the equation. If you have solved the problem, if life were to be an algebraic Equation, then you haven’t lived your life.”

I am a peacock meant to fly into the rainbow with what I have got.